What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
FUCK WHALES
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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