I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
