bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
