I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
