please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
