I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I will be naked everywhere
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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