Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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