FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
