youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
