It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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