so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
