I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
