Umm I'm too high to move.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
