I wish I could teleport
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
