The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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