I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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