I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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