Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
