I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
