You can't special order awesome
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
