I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
