I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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