I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
