if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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