i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
