WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
