We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
