i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
