i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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