remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
