there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
