i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
