just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So vagazzling was a success
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
