Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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