Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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