He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
