thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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