yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
