Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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