aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
