Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
