Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
