I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
