please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
