I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
