Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
