i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
