you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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