Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
