and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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