i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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